Seasons and motion

What is true dignity?  Do we know it when we see it?  Is it more than a manner of speech or how one carries him/herself?  How do we acquire it?  Can we lose it?  Have we actually lost it? 

I've been thinking about this for awhile now since a friend by the name of Richard described it as a gift one receives from God (if I'm doing what he said any justice).  That would seem to make sense:  dignity as the expression and workings of His heart for those He loves.  Yet this is a word relegated to classical speech, perhaps rightly so, but it has still seemed to lose some of its meaning.  A gentleman can be described as "dignified" in how he walks, but he could really just be pompous and vain.  A woman can have very "dignified" speech, but she could really just think she's better than the rest.  Or vice versa.  Still, what has become of this thing that can be understood as a heavenly endowment? 

What's caused me to consider this recently has to do with where my own showing of dignity to others is absent.  During times when I am around someone who asks for money, what is showing them dignity?  What rightly appraises their true worth and meets their need?  Then I consider how I treat myself and conduct my own life.  Is it a reflection of worth rightly attributed to my life, or is it originating in myself?  While trying to avoid worshipping the idea of dignity outright, I find myself somewhat haunted by it.  Whether such is as it should be I do not know, but perhaps it's better to have it than to not. 

I am slow to admit the fact I receive HBO and Cinemax (based in Singapore, but with Vietnamese subtitles) on my television here, and how the school pays for it.  I admit it that makes me a little pampered, so am not picky if the cable goofs up now and again.  However, something a little beyond the normal quirks has been happening this week, and with one movie in particular:  The Good Shepherd. 

Now, I know it's a story about the formation of the Central Intelligence Agency, and Matt Damon's character' has the name Shepherd, so the title is kind of a play with words with a more well-known Shepherd.  When I first noticed a couple weeks ago it was going to be on HBO, the Vietnamese subtitle for the title was translated for the literal religious meaning, not the movie application.  I didn't think much of it, but, come this past Sunday at 8 PM when it premiers, I flip to HBO and I get these multicolored vertical bars and no movie. 

I didn't think much of it then since I knew it was going to be showing again different times in the week, so I waited until another showing.  Come the showing on Monday, it's the same thing, as I'm greeted with vertical bars 30 minutes before the movie and throughout the night.  The same thing on Tuesday, as well as just now at 6 PM.  However, the repeat showings of The Running Man on Cinemax are always showing each time. 

Now, maybe someone is really a big fan of Arnold and wants everyone to see him help Buzzsaw work on his splits, or . . . I hesitate to say.  Let's just say this isn't a coincidence anymore. 

[Correction:  I realized Matt Damon's character wasn't named Shepherd, but he did at a point refer to himself as a gatekeeper, hence the shepherd correlation in the title.  Minor, but important, difference.]

It's probably the choices I've accepted with the greatest of ease that have generated the most problems in my life.  When I think about it, I take less time managing those choices than I do other things.  Call it a form of appeasement, or even call it someone else's fault for bringing it about.  Either way, it's a choice I make regardless of the level of attention I give it. 

Here's an example more related to life here that doesn't stem from me.  People will describe some of the effects of globalization in terms of the influence of western culture, often along negative terms.  Some things mentioned about that has been a growing acceptance of things like cohabitation or other areas of "western" "culture" that run counter to traditional life here.  Whether things like that are necessarily western or cultural is another story in itself (I consider them neither, as such things are not universally accepted through any given culture in "the West"), but they exist as a choice for people here.  Usually it's "the West" that is assigned the blame for what ultimately resides in the choice of those individuals who might accept and do such things.  That's another way of placating responsibility, and not creating an incentive for changing one's own actions. 

Life presents many choices, and any number of things could nudge them in front of us.  For me, it could be something like the results of accepting a life outside of ready contact with people I know, or how my days and nights blend together--reality is no more elusive than the often-subtle choices I make during it.  At that time, maybe I should begin wondering about my own gladness, the source of it, and whether I haven't just traded it for a few paltry, choice acceptances. 

It's a little weird having so much free time with seemingly little to fill it with.  Ultimately, I like it, but it's caused day and night to sort of blend together.  The only thing that seems to serve as a marker for what happens when is sleep.  That's really it because little else seems to do that.  I get up, and . . . well, that's about it, except for complete my last assignment for APU, the only thing find myself bringing up.  Everything else falls so much into the category of "a normal day" that I don't have much else going on.  Given everyone is either studying for the exam or getting things ready for the exam, that just sort of leaves me in-between. 

Should I be busier, or living a more varied life right now?  Possibly, but I don't see how I could!  Maybe this is a fitting precursor to the Summer with its traveling and such.  Yeah, maybe . . .

Today was the day for my final class of the school year . . . in theory.  True to form as some bits of news find their way to me, there was no afternoon classes today!  None!  All there "was" was a stony-silent classroom building with nary a soul there, except for me and a few random straggling students (probably just as ill-informed as myself).  Will there be any class to make up for the one missed today?  Doubtful.  Instead, what I found myself doing was correct the Course Outline (basically it's a big syllabus) to be used the next school year for the first-year students arriving then, which I'm taking a break from at the moment. 

I guess you could call this the least-sentimental final class I've ever had, given, well, nothing sentimental was ever shared because there was no class.  Sentimentality isn't something I go hunting for, but it happens sometimes.  At any event, I'm done for this school year, and all I need to do teacher-wise is turn in all of my grades for this semester and administer a final exam or two. 

That's life, eh what?