Seasons and motion

This week was a beast.  Probably the most difficult part of it was truly feeling like I was a good steward to everything I was responsible for doing well.  Looking back, I can't tell whether I really did that.  Maybe I did and it's just impossible to register amid the swirl of so many other things, but I'd like to hear a quiet "good job!" now and again. 

Ultimately I know He does when I delight myself in Him, but I feel like the lesson this week has been persisting in that when you don't see where the energy exists to do it.  That's where my attention seems to turn to the things around me for that approval, but I don't think I fell to that.  When I gave my "Mid-Term Teacher Feedback" to a class of students, I was afraid I'd take personally or do some pedagogical form of groveling, but I didn't.  Thankfully, I took in their comments, evaluated them, and, hopefully, can make adjustments where possible. 

All that centers around being faithful.  I want to do what puts me in a good light with others simply for the fact I've been pursuing their better interests as best as I understand them.  The test for me as my students' are facing literal tests is whether it's possible to be both such a steward AND meet tangible in-class needs?  A kind of inspiration that takes one kind of stewardship and it leads to an almost pragmatic stewardship of their felt needs.  In this case, as my students. 

Mid-terms are coming up soon.  I'll find out soon enough. 

Even though I completed one assignment for graduate school, there's no self-congratulatory sense of "accomplishment," as I just feel like another bit of work has taken its place.  Instead of that it's more of the same, and less of a sense like I'm getting something done.  Be it sketching out another assignment, meaningfully preparing for classes, or taking care of other business, where's the enjoyment?  Right now, it just feels like "stuff."  I don't prefer that label, it wasn't sought after, but it's there.  An on-going sense of pressure.  That's what this feels like. 

Hello October . . .

Below is an e-mail I received that I edited to make a less screamingly "partisan."  I really am only getting involved with this because I don't like elections getting reduced to misinformation on both sides.  Raising points are good from either side, but not when answers have already been given. 

Here’s the truth: the smear associating Barack to Ayers is “phony” according to the Washington Post. The Associated Press calls the attack “exaggerated at best, if not outright false.”

William Ayers is a professor of education at the University of Illinois at Chicago, with whom Barack served on the board of a charitable anti-poverty organization in the mid-1990s. According to the Associated Press, they are not close: “No evidence shows they were “pals” or even close when they worked on community boards years ago …”

Smear groups are trying to connect Obama to acts Ayers committed 40 years ago – when Barack was just eight years old. Here’s what the New York Times reported on the connection:

But the two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called “somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.”

Barack has publicly denounced Ayers’ radical actions from the 1960’s:

Senator Obama strongly condemns the violent actions of the Weathermen group, as he does all acts of violence. But he was an eight-year-old child when Ayers and the Weathermen were active, and any attempt to connect Obama with events of almost forty years ago is ridiculous.

Read the refutations from the news sources yourself:

· CNN: Palin’s Claim That Obama is Palling Around with Terrorists is “False.”

· AP: Obama And Ayers Relationship Is “Exaggerated At Best If Not Outright False”

· New York Times: Obama And Ayers “Do Not Appear To Have Been Close.”

· New York Times: Obama calls Ayers “Somebody Who Engaged in Detestable Acts 40 Years Ago, When I Was 8.”

· Detroit Free Press: Ayers Smear, Like Jerome Corsi’s Obama Nation, Is “A Tome Full of Fabrications, Half-Truths, and Delusions.”

· Chicago Sun-Times: Obama ‘‘deplored’’ what Ayers did in the 1960s and ‘‘by the time I met him, he is a professor of education at the University of Illinois. We served on a board together that had Republicans, bankers, lawyers, focused on education.”

Grounds the whole Main Street-Wall Street banter into reality. 

Mean St. replaces Main St. - Los Angeles Times

After too many hours working in my room, I needed to step out of my room to de-stress.  The sights and the smells were all familiar to  me.  The nose is assailed with a mixture of the acrid smell of exhaust, the lingering scent of something burning somewhere, an occasional smell of something sweet sold by a curbside vendor, and the sour, pungent stench of urine against a wall or dark corner.  As far as the sights, everything seemed a little smoky, and the crowded-flow of traffic as constant as usual.  The only time either were mostly absent was from when I was leaving and returning to the university, but even then it was about as quiet as a besieged castle is peaceful:  presence without experience. 

In many ways, I live a pretty dull life.  My schedule and interests are largely unchanged, being a result to adjusting to living in a city while adamantly favoring small towns.  There would seem to be many people around me, but very few to actually spend quality time with.  Countless conversations, but seldom any involving me.  Is this experience my choosing?  Not exactly.  It's more of a reaction to circumstances I don't prefer. 

Be it the teaching environment or the living environment, it's not exactly a good fit.  My students are great--I love them, but they're not the lower-level students I was readying myself for.  Ha Noi is fine--each city district in some way resembles a village, but it's still a city with countless people emerging out of nowhere. 

The question I keep returning to, in some form or fashion, is "where does all this leave me?"  I'm not angst-ridden or lonely, yet it's not a preference I had much say over.  Is this how I want to feel for wherever I'm going to work for the many years of my life?